Gullibles’ Travels: Nintendo E3 Baloney

Craig looks at some of the more outlandish E3 rumors floating around the Internet.

By Craig Harnett. Posted 06/11/2015 07:00 2 Comments     ShareThis

GDC 2011 Photo - Satoru Iwata

E3 is almost upon us and once again the rumor mill is churning out some very exciting and calculated predictions for the likes of Nintendo, Sony, and Microsoft. Here at Nintendojo, we’re not shy in throwing in our two cents’ worth either, as we recently gave our own predictions for Nintendo’s upcoming digital event on June 16.

But what’s the point in having all these conventional predictions if you can’t have a little fun with them now and again? Maybe just bend the truth a little here and there, drop a little white lie in for good measure now and again, or how about going all out and just making stuff up. There is a whole truck load of steaming E3 nonsense out there to try and catch out the most gullible among us, so I thought it would be fun to take a look at a few of most ridiculous fabrications and falsehoods regarding Nintendo that are floating around.

Remember, what you are about to read is not real.

Nintendo E3 Rumour Generator

Okay, so technically, the rumor generator is real; the content within it, however, certainly is not. This little piece of mischievous Internet wizardry allows you to generate random and completely bogus running orders for Nintendo’s Digital Event, complete with a “do not distribute” watermark. Whilst some of the titles that I previously generated offer some food for thought (Donkey Kong Country Collection for Wii U being perfectly believable and would instantly be added to my personal wish list), other titles most definitely are not. I don’t think 3D Growing Mint for the 3DS would set the world on fire. Mind you…I have played worse!

You can find the hilarious rumor generator here.

2015 Will Be Dubbed “The Year of the Goomba”

Following the 2013/2014 Year of Luigi, celebrating 30 years of the green overall’d brother-from-the-same-mother (possible back story game opportunities here), it’s now time for Nintendo to focus its attention on another of its beloved characters. Who better than the very creatures that Mario and Luigi have literally walked all over to get to the top, the mighty brown Goomba. No longer will Nintendo’s fungus be left in a dark place, covered in dirt, only to be called upon when Mario needs a foot up. This year, Goomba is King!

Limited Edition Reggie and Iwata Amiibo

Apparently, watching this year’s Nintendo Digital Event on June 16 isn’t going to be as straightforward as one may have thought. Rumours abound that viewers will be required to purchase the limited edition Amiibo of both Nintendo America President, Reggie Fils-Aime, and Nintendo CEO, Satoru Iwata, in order to watch the full event.

The Digital Event will be approximately 30 minutes in duration (yeah, right!) and both of the super-rare Amiibo will be required to unlock the full broadcast. If you can only get your hands on one of these, then I would personally suggest the Iwata Amiibo, as this unlocks the last 20 minutes. The Reggie Amiibo unfortunately only offers the first ten minutes, and is mainly just him gyrating and dancing, shouting, “My body is ready!”

Nintendo Enters the Virtual Reality Race with VRtual Boy

It’s well known that Sony is developing its own virtual reality system for PlayStation 4 in Project Morpheus. So too is Microsoft with the likes of HoloLens, and its own VR headset. Even Facebook has gotten on-board with its $400 million purchase of Oculus Rift. So what are Nintendo’s VR ambitions, if at all?

Nintendo led the way with motion controlled gaming when Wii was release in 2006. This trend of being a leader not a follower is set to continue when Nintendo announce its newest project, the VRtual Boy.

It appears Nintendo wants to re-write its own history books and produce a VR system that will not only compete with the likes of Sony’s and Microsoft’s entries, but will also make amends for its previously failed VR attempt, Virtual Boy.

Exact details are sketchy at best. Nintendo has yet to confirm if this will be a separate headset peripheral that will run on Wii U, or if indeed this is part of its new NX project. Either way, these are exciting times. Can you imagine the possibilities? First person, VR, Super Mario Galaxy. Yes Please!

The Entire Nintendo E3 Digital Event Leaked

As unbelievable as this may sound, Nintendo’s E3 Digital Event has been leaked in its entirety. According to some reliable sources who know some people that have an aunt who knows a guy that works at Nintendo, the E3 event has already been recorded. During its transit to some official top secret offices it has been intercepted, viewed, and placed back in its top secret envelope with nobody any the wiser.

Fortunately we have access to the written copy of the digital event, of which a small snippet of the show’s opening is below:

Presentation opens with Mr. Iwata and Reggie playing together Star Fox on Wii U. Although Mr. Iwata is at the Nintendo headquarters in Kyoto and Reggie at the NOA headquarters here in Redmond, they can play together thanks to the new Online-Multiplayer mode.

Mr. Miyamoto shows up to detail out his newest creation, which will be called Star Fox: Supercharged. It’s like traditional Star Fox games with a new Online-Multiplayer mode and a local Vs. mode. The game will feature special GamePad integration and will make some sort of use of amiibo. More details on how amiibo works with the game will be given when its release is getting closer. Game will be released this winter.

You lucky people can check out the full event here— or better still, just ask one of your friends to make something up.

Once again I would like to reiterate that all of the above is completely false and is simply a collection of some of the best (or worst, depending on how you interpret it), rumors and speculation that are freely available to anyone with a computer, Internet, and fingers.

For the real rundown and discussion on Nintendo’s Digital Event when it’s aired on June 16, stick with Nintendojo.

2 Responses to “Gullibles’ Travels: Nintendo E3 Baloney”

  • 285 points
    Kyle England says...

    “Margaret Element” presented by Cammie Dunaway, wow. I went to the website and had the game “Yarn Donkey Kong Country Mom” generated.

    I can’t wait for the Year of Goomba. Maybe he will even get a cameo appearance in Star Fox/Metroid Fusion Saga.

  • 30 points
    Craig Harnett says...

    I can’t believe some of the generated titles. I think I saw “Star Fox Sex” pop up at one point. I know Nintendo want more hardcore gamers but that’s just going too far!

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