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This piece is a fanboy satire. The views and opinions expressed herein do not state or reflect those of Nintendojo or any of its affiliates.
Nestrella was depressed to learn she was moving. She had been raised in the sunny, modern nation of Hyrule, a beautiful land filled with plains, mountains, forests, lakes, and a bunch of other things that make it totally cool. Now she had to move north to the crummy land of Twilightsylvania, a crummy land filled with mountains, forests, and a bunch of stuff that makes it less cool than Hyrule– primarily rain; lots and lots of rain.
And fog, too.
Worse than the land itself was the culture. Hyrule was the center of all existence with castles, temples, movie theaters, fast food restaurants, and Hot Topic stores. Twilightsylvania was a bleak and murky pit of depression with small, locally owned businesses, vast amounts of untamed nature, and people who were different, and thus inferior. It was a terrible land for a being as superior as Nestrella.
But she had no choice and was forced to move there for some reason that she had forgotten because the news was just so depressing. Now Nestrella would be forced to move to this new, terrible place and start going to a new school with the aforementioned inferior people. Nestrella had always had trouble getting along with others because she was simply so cool, gorgeous, smart, and all around supremely gifted that everybody immediately resented her for being so awesome. Being inferior even to your average Hylian, the people of Twilightsylvania would probably view Nestrella as some sort of divine goddess but would be too meek and dumbstruck to award her the proper praise.
When Nestrella finally did start class at an old school buried deep in a well developed suburb of a medium sized city, all of this proved to be accurate. Plenty of the simpletons were well intentioned enough to attempt communicating with her, but their plain words of irreverent small talk failed to carry the proper, meaningful, and praise-filled weight deserving of a person as cool as Nestrella. They approached her with greetings and offers of help in getting her acclimated to her new home, but Nestrella was too important to respond in any way other than blowing them off and not bothering to remember anybody’s name.
It wasn’t until biology class that things started to get interesting for Nestrella, who was asked to take the only empty seat as she walked into the class. The seat was next to a mysterious looking boy with long, shining blonde hair, sullen eyes, and shimmering pale skin, like wax paper stretched over a flashlight. Throughout class she stole quick glances of him through a silky red sheet of her own hair, which hid her wide eyes and quivering lips from his piercing gaze. She took in his statuesque looks, his strangely powerful aura, and odd fashion sense which consisted of a long, conical green hat and matching tunic.
The boy’s good looks and air mystery made him sufficiently interesting enough for Nestrella to communicate with him.
“Hello,” Nestrella said as the students shuffled out of class.
The boy simply glanced at her with a sudden look of shock before quickly shifting his eyes away.
“My name is Nestrella,” she said, still attempting communication with the evasive stranger, “I just moved here and it seems like everybody is so uninteresting… but you seem kind of cool.”
They boy quickly turned to face Nestrella and growled, “I would recommend you just leave me alone!”
He then turned away just as quickly and dashed away. Nestrella was left standing there in utter shock.
“He’s right,” said a gruff voice from behind her, “Spend too much time around that guy and you’re bound to get hurt by him… or me.”
Nestrella turned to see a tall, powerful looking man with wild eyes and a tough visage. He wore an old leather jacket and had untamed brown hair. His face was bent in a cocky smile and his eyes shined with a powerful liveliness.
“Who is he?” Nestrella asked the new stranger.
“His name is Link,” the tough guy proclaimed, “He lives just outside of town in that ancient castle with some old dude who he claims is his dad and some hot chick he claims is his sister. But I don’t believe him and soon enough I will expose what they really are.”
The man started to walk away as Nestrella asked one more question, “But… who are you?”
“Me?” the man asked as he flashed another cocky grin, “My name is Simon… Simon Belmont!”
