As many women have discovered, finding a good man in today’s society is something of a challenge. Fortunately, we were able to hook four lucky young ladies with one of the most eligible bachelors on the market today. Each participant took notes in a journal as she went on her respective “dream date” with Waluigi.
Daisy, Princess of Sarasaland
Okay, like talk about awkward? So, Waluigi comes up to me and says “Waaaaa!” like he always does, and this is how a date starts? I mean, I totally tend to prefer clean-shaven guys, as a general rule, so I was really going out on a limb, here. And he’s in good shape, but it’s not like he’s the most attractive guy out there, is he? Let’s be honest.
Anyway, so it’s not like we went to the most romantic place ever for our “dream date.” I mean, tennis? I like playing tennis as much as the next girl, but it’s obvious that for Waluigi, it’s like a religion or something. He would get so ticked off if I won a point! And he cleaned his ears out, like ALL the time. Then, when we were getting a frozen juice at the snack counter, he totally tried to snog me!! What a LOSER! He’s lucky I only hit him once!
Samus Aran, Bounty Hunter
I don’t have a lot of experience with men. Not unless they are wielding semi-automatic weapons and firing at Zoomers by my side, anyway. I’m not even sure what a “date” is. Mr. Waluigi looks a bit… different than most of the men I’ve encountered in my career, and I couldn’t help thinking of Adam and comparing them side-by-side in my mind.
He wanted to go do something called “ice skating.” I had no idea what that was but said yes anyway, since I really didn’t know what I was supposed to do on a date in the first place. Apparently, it involves sliding around on ice with some weird things on your shoes. I didn’t really need the funny attachments because my Power Suit can move around on ice perfectly well.
I guess I did okay; he ended up falling down quite frequently. He would get offended if I tried to help him up, so I just went sliding along the ice in my Power Suit on my own for a while, feeling sorry for him whenever he would take another tumble. I honestly answered “No,” when he asked if we could see each other again. He looked dejected and walked away. It broke my heart.
Sheik, Desert Tribeswoman
Living in the desert you don’t get many opportunities for recreation. Sure, things were different when I was a kid, but I’ve spent a long time living off the land. When I ended up going dancing with Waluigi for our date, I was out of my element, no question. I have a flair for music and rhythm, but this was definitely not the kind of dancing I was familiar with.
Waluigi showed up dressed in a white suit with a black undershirt and took me to a place where the floor was lit up by multi-colored lights. There was this huge metallic globe hanging from the ceiling, and the light reflected off of it and onto the walls and ceiling around it. I had no clue what I was supposed to do, and tried to mimic his motions as much as I could– it involved a lot of pointing at the ceiling– but eventually gave up and just started rocking back and forth in time.
I’m going to be honest– I’ve had more fun hunting down sand lizards then I was having here. Plus, while I was getting a drink, Waluigi ran off and ended up leaving with some other random woman that was there. I played the Bolero of Fire just so I could get the heck out of there.
Krystal Fox, Dinosaur Hunter
I met Waluigi the first time at a dance club, and we ended up going to a couple other places together that night. I made him promise to take me out the next week, and he did. We didn’t do anything special, he just took me to a small place outside of Rose Town for a burger. I didn’t mind, because anyplace I got to go with Waluigi was special just because he was there.
It was so much fun watching him chew the bites of his burger and fries, and we didn’t do much talking, but we didn’t need to– it’s clear that we have a connection on a very primal level. I asked if he wanted to share a milkshake, and he looked a little surprised by that, then went to the counter and got us each our own separate milkshake. He must have been pretty thirsty.
Anyway, when we were done, he said goodnight shortly and left, but I told him I had to see him again as soon as possible and asked if he was free tomorrow night. He mumbled something about calling me and then went home. I still haven’t heard back from him today, but I’ve been calling him and texting him about three times each hour just to confirm. Maybe his phone’s broken? Maybe I should find out where he lives and go check on him…