Fashion-Forward: The Legend of Zelda

Fashion choices in the gamerverse has been brutally ignored until very recently. Meanwhile, characters like Link, Zelda and Ganondorf have been working hard on their outfits.

By Andrew Hsieh. Posted 08/20/2010 16:00 6 Comments     ShareThis

Plate mail and cornrows. Where did you go so wrong?

I’m sure we’re all very familiar with Ganondorf as a person by now (hint: he’s misguided, as Wind Waker tells us, if not all-out evil), but more than any other character, his outfits take some crazy turns between games. In Twilight Princess, Ganondorf ditches the giant sleeves and sweeping robes of Wind Waker, as well as the form-fitting spandex and worn leather of Ocarina of Time, for what can only be described as all-out battle gear. This doesn’t mean Ganon’s decided to deck himself out in military chic– at least, not military chic of this century, unless we count those atrocious camoesque pants. (We won’t be discussing the atrocious camoesque pants.) But this also doesn’t mean Ganon’s been ignoring fashion trends completely– in fact, by looking at the runways of our good friend McQueen again, it looks like we’ve finally discovered what Ganon does while he’s trapped in the Sacred Realm: read fashion magazines.

(Can you imagine that? Because I can.)

Pitch-black leather and drama-queen cloaks? Perfect.

Being the ultimate villain in most of the Zelda games, as well as being the only completely recurrent character in the entire series, Ganondorf’s picked up a few tricks along the way. One of them, as Link and Zelda may know, happens to be the ability to be a total drama queen. “Faithless fools who would dare to take up arms against the king of light and shadow,” Ganon yells in Twilight Princess, his cape aloft, cornrows glistening despite an utter lack of light (we won’t be discussing his hideous cornrows anymore). “You shall feel my wrath!” Drama queen indeed– a fitting persona for a guy who dresses like Lady Gaga, if she ever went way too goth.

Ganon’s always had a flair for oversized capes and too heavy of a dark palette to be healthy– his incarnation in Twilight Princess takes this straight to the next level. Following McQueen’s horrific autumn/winter collection of 2010 (yes, the guy follows women’s fashion, too– hey, there’s not a whole lot to do in the Sacred Realm), Ganon seems to have rubbed some kind of corpse-imitative spray tan all over at least his hands and head, as well as paint his nails as black as his soul. Ganon probably then tried manipulating his Triforce of Power to give him an outfit as vampiresque as any of the outfits he saw on the McQueen runway, but, upon realizing his masculinity, decided to give it all up in favor of boring ol’ medieval plate mail. (And apparently atrocious, atrocious camo pants.) Clearly, Ganondorf has much to learn from his fellow bosses– even Zant realizes that a good oversized robe obscures far more of the body, thus inspiring fear much more efficiently. And really, plate mail? Ganondorf. Ganon. Buddy. Now you’re just not trying.

Though props for the giant bandaged sword, and the golden jewel in your forehead. I guess that’s striking, as far as villains go. Though considering the, well, dramatic departure from McQueen’s tall-dark-and-scary line, it almost seems like Ganondorf hasn’t been reading fashion mags in the Sacred Realm. No, Ganondorf fans, I’m sorry. It looks like the Dark Lord’s instead been reading Twilight. Not that there’s anything inherently wrong with that– it’s just that maybe, just maybe, the guy should be focused on trying to look like a good villain. If not be one.

And that concludes my look at the three main characters in The Legend of Zelda. Honestly, I really wanted to take a closer look at, among other characters, Zora Armored- and Magic Armored-Link, as well as Zant– three outfits that definitely merit more inspection– but it seems like 1,700 words on Link, Zelda, and Ganondorf might be too much to go around. What do you think? Is Link not so heroic-yet-sartorial? Does Zelda actually come off as tacky, rather than royal? Perhaps I should see the error of my ways, and the King of Evil is actually the most avante-garde of them all. Let me know so I can totally rip off their outfits!

Pages: 1 2 3 4

6 Responses to “Fashion-Forward: The Legend of Zelda”

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Log In 0 points Log in or register to grow your Ninja Score while interacting with our site.
Nintendojo's RSS Feeds

All Updates Podcast
News Comments
Like and follow usFacebookTwitter Friend Code Exchange + Game with Us Join the Team!