Best of ND 2014! Retro Scope: Superman 64

We take a look at the best video game ever created.

By Anthony Vigna. Posted 01/01/2015 18:00 Comment on this     ShareThis

This story was selected as one of our best from 2014. It was originally published on April 17, during Issue 200.

Take a moment to think about your favorite game of all time. Got it? Good. I won’t even ask you to type what it is in the comments because I know that everyone instantaneously thought about Superman 64, the N64 classic that fans remember as the Citizen Kane of gaming. However, if you’re one of the few people who would disagree with such a widely accepted claim, then I want you to know that you are really, really, really, really, really wrong! The amount of reallys I just used should prove to you that I am serious.

Sure, it may be your opinion that games like The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, Super Mario Galaxy, or Metroid Prime are better, but know that you are factually, objectively incorrect by making such a ridiculous claim. People will laugh at you if you ever say something like that in public, so I’d advise against that if you care about how people perceive you.

You may have noticed that this article was not published on April Fools’ day, and that’s because I’m speaking the truth. So, when I tell you that Superman 64 has achieved an astoundingly high aggregate score of 22.90 percent on Game Rankings, you should nod your head in agreement and be impressed by this figure. Seriously, name one game that’s critically rated higher than this game! I bet you can’t do it.

So what makes Superman 64 such an amazing game? Well, you have to fly through rings, which is an awesome and original game mechanic that everyone loves. You know how people always say that the best parts of Star Fox Adventures occur when you’re flying in the Arwing? Well, the reason why that part is often looked at so highly is because you have to fly through golden rings to progress through those levels. However, Star Fox Adventures will never be as good as Superman 64 is because you never fly through enough gold rings! Instead, a good portion of the game is spent trying to mock Legend of Zelda gameplay on foot, which was a terrible mistake. I’ll never understand why games like this aren’t inspired by Superman 64 instead.

Superman 64 also creates a beautiful metaphor with all of these rings, since there are many figurative hoops that we must pass through every single day. No matter how many “hoops” we go through during our life, there will always be more waiting in the distance, and we must trudge on in order to become our own personal heroes. In this sense, Superman 64 perfectly conveys the struggles that we deal with in reality, making it a beautiful piece of art that’s basically on the same level as the Mona Lisa.

In an extremely wise decision, developer Titus Software intentionally made the controls sloppy and imprecise. Ignorant people would say that the controls should be improved, but educated people know that this only adds to the challenge. What fun would it be if we could just fly through all the rings with well programmed controls? In real life, we don’t go through our “hoops” with ease since there’s always a challenge to get past them, so keeping the controls like this strengthens the ring metaphor even more. If more developers refuse to implement poor controls into their games, then this industry is doomed to fail.

I’d hate to criticize such a fantastic game, but if I absolutely had to make one, it would be that you don’t get to fly through enough rings. There are some parts of the game where you have to carry a car or fight a bad guy, and because you are not going through rings while doing this, it ruins the experience a bit. While Star Fox Adventures shares the same issue, you definitely get to fly through more rings in Superman 64. Plus, Star Fox Adventures has better controls than Superman 64, making the latter superior in every way. You can’t argue with logic like that!

If you were a non-believer before reading this article, then I hope you can now see the truth. However, if you’re still in disbelief, please reconsider the following key facts that I have presented in this article:

  1. Superman 64 is a great game.
  2. Superman 64 is a great game.
  3. Superman 64 is a great game.
  4. Superman 64 is a great game.
  5. Superman 64 is a great game.

I hope this comprehensive summary has changed your mind! As a renowned and respected gaming critic on the Internet, I give this game a 983,921,487,289,579,234,653,467,856,347,563,478,658,236,741,387,468,723,648 out of 10. If you also have fond memories of playing the game, feel free to share your positive experiences below!

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