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This piece is a fanboy satire. The views and opinions expressed herein do not state or reflect those of Nintendojo or any of its affiliates.
Hey, hozers, it’s time for yours truly to let fly with his best games of this year, and let me tell you, it’s been a rough year for gamers. I’m going to tell you the unquestionably serious truth about which games were best in 2010, and I’m gonna tell you right now, by the time I’m done, you’re gonna seriously plotz because of all the goodness I’ve been describing. Only the absolute BEST games deserve a Nester. On to the honors:
Best Shooter of 2010: Gradius (NES): Gradius was definitely the best shooting game I played all year. You have to pick the NES version though, as it is without question undoubtedly the best due to the inclusion of the Konami Code. Plus, “NES” stands for “Nester,” so that makes it even more dominating.
Best Fighting Game of 2010: Kung Fu (NES): The first fighting game on the NES — I don’t care if it actually was, it now officially has that title — is also the best because it side-scrolls, involves jumping, and punching midgets while ducking. Plus, the game never ever finishes; you just repeat the first four levels over and over again! Did you know it’s somehow based on a movie with Jackie Chan? No lie.
Best RPG of 2010: Final Fantasy II (Super NES): I have yet to meet an RPG that can even come close to hoping to top this one. Only a complete TOOL wouldn’t admit that it is the best role-playing video game of all time. On my 224th playthrough this year, I realized that since RPGs reached their zenith in the early ’90s, every game in the genre since is complete and utter trash. Pity, that.
Best Sports Game of 2010: Mario Tennis (Virtual Boy): What? You thought I’d pick Nester’s Funky Bowling for the thirteenth straight year? What do you know? Do you really think I’m that completely shallow and predictable? Why don’t you go throw yourself out a fifty-seventh story window?
Best Puzzle Game of 2010: Wario Blast Featuring Bomberman! (Game Boy): I actually have only barely played this game and don’t really understand puzzles all that much, but what I do know about Wario Blast is that things explode, and isn’t that what a puzzle game is really all about? This time, I don’t even mind not lasting more than twenty-five seconds.
And finally, you’ve waited for it, the Best Overall Game of 2010:
Super Mario Bros. 3!
Yup, this is still the best game of all time. Like you could possibly get enough of the Tanooki Suit? Or the Frog Suit? Or the freakin’ SHOOOOE!!!!!??? This is the game where Bowser first had a mullet, people! I am so sick of everyone hating on this classic masterpiece that you all can’t even appreciate enough as IF.
