Poll: Who will Stay Behind?

It’s like “Survivor”, except much, much worse. (And more fictional, too.)

By Andrew Hsieh. Posted 08/08/2011 10:01 12 Comments     ShareThis

If we’re talking about competition among Videogameland heroes, there’s no better way to determine courage (or gullibility) than to see who’ll sacrifice themselves for the greater good. And in a nightmare scenario– one where Ganondorf, Bowser, and Mother Brain decide that they should probably team up into some sort of Evil League of Evil and beat everybody into a fine powder– there’s no better backdrop for this kind of competition.

So here’s the thing: the Ganon/Bowser/Mother Brain crew, along with their armies, have managed to breach all sorts of codes of conduct, taking over poor places like Pop Star and Corneria on their way to Earth. In order to evacuate the planet, someone’s got to distract them– and he or she (or they) will probably find it difficult to return. So, Nintendojoites– who’s it gonna be?

Remember, some of these guys have family.

[poll id=”68″]

12 Responses to “Poll: Who will Stay Behind?”

  • 697 points
    Adam Sorice says...

    And by “Link & Zelda”, I of course mean Tingle.

  • 150 points
    Lewis Hampson says...

    Ice Climbers? They could “Jack Torrance” their way through enemies. :D

  • 1561 points
    penduin says...

    If what we need is a diversion, we need someone with flash, something that will call attention even at a great distance. Of those listed, I think the Star Fox team has the best shot.

    Swarms of bright multicolored lasers, giant smartbomb explosions, Slippy’s girlish screams and Peppy’s backseat barrel-rolling, they’ve got it all. I mean, this is a team that practices distraction tactics on its own leader.

    • 576 points
      MegabusterLegends3 says...

      I have to disagree with you on this one. First of all, if any of these characters have families waiting for them, its gonna be team Star Fox. I mean, Slip’s got a fiance, for Pete’s sake! And Peppy has a daughter, too. Fox may may have lost his dad, but how do we know his mamaw isn’t home in bed worried sick about him? Link and Zelda, all they need is eachother anyway. Mario and Luigi, we all know Peach reall has the hots for Bowser, and even Mario’s loyal steed Yoshi is probably not so loyal after Super Mario World! Samus is a loner, everyone she ever loved is dead anyway.

      Plus, compared to the others, team StarFox ain’t that intimidating. To Mother Brain, Giga Bowser, and Beast Ganon, they would just be little metal flies. Also, any of these characters could jump in an Arwing themselves, fire off a few Smart Bombs, and then crash in a brilliant ball of flame while Slippy screams “FOOOOOOOOOOOOX!” It doesn’t take any special skills to do that.

      Plus we all know Kirby would be so much more of a distraction. Here are his advantages.

      A) None of these villains are familiar with Kirby, since they are from different series. He has the element of surprise.
      B) He is extremely adorable. Somehow, I could see Bowser especially falling head over heels for Kirby.
      C) Just when everyone has been suckered by his cuteness, he starts SUCKING DOWN EVERYONES SOULS! Then he copies the enemy with the best abilities (Probably Ganondorf) and wipes out the entire armada. Kirby is the Distraction AND the Cavalry all in one. I would be afraid and confused if a walking pink vacuum was descending upon me to drain my life force, all while maintaining a charming smile and infantile cooing. Kirby is one freaky distraction.

      Oh, and then he could do the Arwing thing if he has time.


    • 1332 points
      Andrew Hsieh says...

      “I mean, this is a team that practices distraction tactics on its own leader.”

      I laughed too hard at that.

  • 432 points
    dmgice says...

    Kirby. Because all he needs to do to get back is nab one of those warp stars out of his backpack.

    Also, he can eat the Evil League of Evil and use their powers.

  • 1561 points
    penduin says...

    MegabusterLegends3: I appreciate your arguments, and Kirby would not be a bad choice, but the Star Fox team still has my vote. It’s true that they have families and loved ones, but they’ve should have thought of that before committing Star Fox Assault, for which they’ve never been brought to justice. The worst Kirby has to answer for is Air Ride, which is actually quite fun.

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