Best of ND 2011: Professor Layton and the Lingering Question

This story was selected as one of our best from 2011. It was originally published on February 3, 2011 during Issue 35: Nintendo IRL.

Gamers only get a glimpse into the lives of Professor Layton and his apprentice, Luke, through their DS adventures. Yet here’s one of the more recent dilemmas the duo faced on the mean streets of New York.

This parody was co-authored by Evan Campbell and M. Noah Ward.

	Good evening. License and registration, please.
	(gasp) Do you have that professor?
	(handing over documentation) Well of course I do, my boy. A gentleman would never take to the streets in the Laytonmobile without proper identification and insurance.
	I knew it! You’re always prepared, professor!
	Alright, Mr. Layton. So you’re here abroad? I wanted to call out your car’s tail light–
	Excuse me, officer, but it’s past my curfew!
	There, there, Luke, these aren’t police like the ones we’ve met back home. You must show them respect! …Yes, officer, we’re here to follow up on an important request from a friend.
	Extremely important!
	Luke…
	Excuse me, sir. That boy keeps calling you professor. Is he your student? Will you please state your business with him?
	Why, certainly. I’m just taking him home to his parents’ hotel after a day of adventuring and puzzle-solving.
	Yeah, the professor was teaching me the various elements of being a true gentleman.
	That’s enough, kid. I would like to hear only from Mr. Layton.
	Yes, my young apprentice. We mustn’t let the secrets of gentlemanhood get out to just anyone. It is a storied legacy of rules and behaviors that can only be revealed to those with the right… disposition.
	Now what’s that supposed to mean? Are you saying that you’re above the law?
	Oh my, not at all, good sir. I just have to be selective in my special tutoring.
	Yes, at first the feeling of being a gentleman was a bit odd and foreign — some might even say frightening. But the professor gently guided me into the role.
	(chuckles) Oh, yes, Luke. I say, officer, you would be amazed at the prodigious talents this boy has.
	Just what are you talking about? Do you mean to say–
	Ah-ah, you seem to be making guesses about our companionship without understanding all the facts and clues.
	Gee, professor, if only the officer had some picarats to cash in for a hint!
	So true, my dear apprentice. He should try digging around the trash bins a bit more, like we’ve been doing these last few nights together.
	What on earth are you doing with this child, dragging him around trash dumps? Surely his parents didn’t sign off for you to do that.
	But officer, I like–
	Hold on, Luke, we don’t want to make matters worse for ourselves this evening.
	Oh, from what I’ve heard tonight, things aren’t going to get much better for you, “professor.” I think a trip downtown may get us to the bottom of what’s going on.
	Splendid! I’ve heard the precinct has a terrific, calming tea. A bit spicy, a bit smoky, wouldn’t you say?
	Oh! I also hear of some fascinating mini-games that occupy the prisoners’ time that I could look into!
	Oh, Luke, do you think you could bring your hamster with us? I bet they would love to see some of his tricks.
	First, the boy’s going nowhere. Mr. Layton, you’ll be the one interrogated tonight.
	Oo, you’re in for a treat! The professor will surely amaze you when you throw questions at him. We love to go back and forth all the time!
	Indeed! Nothing like a little noodling before wrapping up a long evening. I’m amazed at the stamina some have for such challenges. Sometimes I wonder if I may be too old for it, sooner or later…
	Flora comes running down the street toward the professor’s car. Professor! I need you, now!
	What the…
	I just saw Don Paolo lock picking an elderly woman’s door, and I can’t help but thinking that she’s in grave danger!
	Oh, no! He’s sure to be stealing her identity, if not skinning her to make a mask from her!
	(gasp)
	Luke, it looks as though a more pressing duty has arisen for us. Please accept our apologies, officer, but we’ll have to address your current query at a later time. I’ll take care of that tail light, and you keep taking care of the suspicious elements around here!

And so the professor and his apprentice sped off back to Layton’s hotel, with Flora in tow and the police officer momentarily stupefied what to do next, before deciding to tail after them. He needed answers!