Operation: Get the Plumber

Bowser’s made multiple attempts to kidnap Peach and squish Mario. How does he get the money for all this?

By Aaron Roberts. Posted 07/19/2011 10:00 Comment on this     ShareThis

Minutes of the Koopa Geothermal Energy Concern, Inc. Board of Directors Meeting

Taken by Kamek, Board Secretary

2:31 PM: Company president Bowser Koopa calls meeting to order.

2:32 PM: Vice President in Charge of Magma Iggy Koopa reports that magma flow to Towers 1-7 is optimal, while Tower 8 seems to have a clog in its base.  This has resulted in 25% less power going to the Donut Plains area than is optimal for the region.  He recommends a team of fireproof Buzzy Beetles be sent in to clear the clog as soon as possible to get to the pipeline cleared.

2:42 PM: Vice President in Charge of Wiring Wendy O. Koopa demands access to the executive restroom.  When reminded by Vice President in Charge of Noxious Gas Bowser Koopa Jr. that she already has access to the executive women’s room, and that her objection is pointless, she then brains Bowser Jr. over the head with her magic wands and states defiantly that having separate restrooms is discrimination.

2:46 PM: Financial figures are presented by Vice President in Charge of Lava Lemmy Koopa.  Profits for third quarter are 10% higher than the previous fiscal quarter.  He recommends investing excess capital into building a new geothermal power plant in Giant Land, as raw materials are far cheaper there in large quantities.  President Bowser Koopa then reminds him that all business operating profit is to be invested into dungeon fortresses and deathtraps, and quotes the company’s mission statement, “One Company, One Goal:  To Destroy Mario.”

2:53 PM: Vice President in Charge of Slogans Larry Koopa suggests that they should amend the company mission statement to read “One Company, One Goal:  To Destroy Mario and Luigi,” since Mario’s brother has been instrumental in several of the corporation’s downfalls in the past.  Upset at this reminder, the company president then throws an unoffending Paratroopa out the nearest window.

3:01 PM: Vice President in Charge of Princess Kidnapping Ludwig von Koopa advises the group that the latest device for extracting Princess Peach from her castle is ready to go.  Called the Princess Extractor, the explanation of how it will work is as equally unrevealing as the name itself.  President Bowser growls approval and orders it be put to use as soon as the Koopa Troopa armies are put into place.

3:07PM: Board officers Morton Koopa Jr. and Roy Koopa get into a wrestling match over who should be Vice President in Charge of Reznors, but President Bowser forcibly reminds them that the position doesn’t exist, and that neither of them is worthy of becoming a Vice President at the current time due to their constant bickering.

3:14 PM: Chief Financial Officer Lakitu distributes financial projections for the next quarter.  A mandatory 7% rate increase is expected for all customers, regardless of need, exactly the same as the last six months.  Meeting is adjourned.

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