I’m here to spread some much-needed love for my main man and spankin’ homey beef, Slippy Toad. You macho-inclined gamers who think it’s funny to crack jokes about him amongst your peers just because he’s the only dude with a high, admittedly feminine voice on Star Fox 64 is flabbergasting to say the least, and it’s really starting to tick Slippy off.
Yes, I know he wouldn’t quit whining when he was captured by Goras on Titania, and those nonstop, ear-splitting cries for help certainly warrant a good round of dissing. But besides those brief periods, he consistently gave players the upgrades and data analyses necessary to gain the advantage on one of the greatest video games ever made. Do you know who it was who designed the Blaster and Reflector? That would be Slippy. And do you realize that without his technical skills, submerging underwater and treading land in a tank would have never been possible for a ragtag team of animal heroes?
Think about that for a moment.
Look at that smile! He obviously loves what he does!
With those points in mind, I say we take the rest of this week to dwell on Slippy’s positive character traits. And if I see one word of disrespect coming towards him before next Monday, I’m gonna make like DK and do a barrel roll all over the offender’s smack-talking keister.
And trust me, you do not want to ignite that flame war.
Well, maybe he is a little… odd.
I would bring up the fact that Slippy got married on Star Fox Command to counter many of the particular insults that have been hurled at him over the years; but since I don’t personally consider any Star Fox game’s storylines and gameplay wholly meritable besides 64 (the fetish with time skips totally turns me off), I’ll let them slide for now.
Slippy scores a hottie… I think.
And even if your bias against him is beyond reasoning and you do decide to ignore the words of this commentary, I think we can all agree on the fact that Slippy has, at his very least, always been a smack-a-licious cereal box mascot.
Cuz we gotta have our Smacks.