Hot Air: COMPed

That’s it. Mona’s filed a worker’s comp claim against WarioWare, Inc.

By Aaron Roberts. Posted 04/14/2011 15:00 Comment on this     ShareThis

Hot Air Masthead

Diamond City Mutual Commercial Insurance, Claim #LJZ-2354.

Claim involves a worker’s compensation loss against insured corporation “WarioWare, Inc.”  Insured representative “18-Volt” reports that during an unspecified incident, insured’s employee “Mona” was injured and required treatment and a number of days off work.  “18-Volt” did not have any concrete information on the incident other than that it occurred on 04/17/20XX at approximately 4:37 PM.  Further investigation was required.

04/19/20XX, 12 PM: Interviewed company president “Wario.”  Wario advises he has no direct knowledge of the incident, and is only aware that an object of some sort had fallen and struck his employee on the head.  When asked if he had a prior personal relationship with the injured party, Wario denied it most strenuously.

04/19/20XX, 3 PM: Investigated the scene of the occurrence.  It was unclear what exactly had happened based on a cursory inspection.  The room, situated at the top of a large tower (this appears to be a safety hazard in and of itself, should notify Underwriting), was filled with loose objects, sports equipment, random cloves of garlic, and the occasional loose kitten.  The location was in such disarray, it was not possible to ascertain the circumstances of the loss.

04/21/20XX, 10 AM: Spoke with insured’s staff physician, “Dr. Crygor,” who was responsible for the claimant’s initial treatment on site.  Crygor advised there was moderate cranial trauma, although he did not suspect that any cybernetic replacement parts would be warranted.

04/21/20XX, 1 PM: Interviewed injured party “Mona.”  The claimant remembered little of the incident, and spent most of the session waxing on about her infatuation with company president “Wario.”  Most of the hour interview session was spent with her listing his various good qualities, most of which could not objectively be described as such.

04/21/20XX, 2 PM: Was still interviewing the patient when “Wario” and fellow stockholder “Jimmy T.” entered the premises.  “Jimmy” advised that the incident occurred while trying to hang a “disco ball” from the ceiling of the cluttered WarioWare, Inc room.  “Wario” and “Mona” both became flustered upon this, stammering excuses, but “Jimmy” explained he and “Mona” were hanging the “disco ball” so as to photograph it for a video game they were crafting for an upcoming release.

Conclusion: Claim appears to be legitimate.  Due to various safety hazards at the workplace, and a physician who appears to favor wildly experimental treatment, would suggest an actuarial review once the policy term is up.

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