Round Table: Kirby UnMic’d

Now that Samus has taken on the mantle of heavy storytelling, it’s time for Nintendo’s pinkest mascot to take up the torch and give us a full-blown dramatic masterpiece.  But, the question is, which big-name actor should take the part of the famous puffball?  It’s time for the staff to throw out their choices for Kirby’s new voice!

Robert Thompson

I, like many other people, am getting sick of the ‘cutesy’ voice given to Kirby. Sure, it satisfies the role, but I want something far more rad. So, if I could have any actor perform the voice of Kirby, it’d have to be one Morgan Freeman.

Imagine it: as Kirby inhales, Mr. Freeman says “Ahhhh…” Or how about when challenging King Dedede? “My my, I’m gonna combine powers here, won’t that be somethin’.” It would be fantastic.

If Mr. Freeman is unavailable, a very close second choice would be Liam Neeson. Again, an iconic voice for an iconic character is only fitting. Here’s to me in my own Dreamland.

Andrew Hsieh

Is it so bad to have Kirby just keep his Kirby: Right Back at Ya! voice? I mean, it’s cute. It’s adorable. And best of all, it totally fits who Kirby is– a giant, walking pink puffball. Come on, Robert. The way Kirby is now, he couldn’t get another voice actor and expect to be looked at the same way.

See, the whole point of Kirby is that he’s cute, and therefore enemies totally underestimate him. It’s like how the old Batman uniform had a yellow circle around the bat on the chest– it’s bright and easy-to-see, which sounds horrible, except that enemies would usually attack that part of the chest, which just so happened to have the most armor. It’s called underestimation, you guys, and Kirby needs all the underestimation he can get, despite his odd ability to transfer any enemy into the void.

If you’re still not convinced, think about it this way: what if Pikachu got a new voice actor? Yeah. That’s what I thought.

Francisco Naranjo

Completely agree with Andrew, Kirby’s current voice is great! There are very few things more satisfying in Super Smash Bros. than scoring a KO with Kirby and immediately spamming his “Hiii!” taunt, it’s just awesome. Makiko Ōmoto has done a great job voicing Kirby (and Ness) so far, I see no need for a new voice. It’d be weird, just like when Jen Taylor decided voicing Halo’s Cortana was more important than voicing Nintendo’s emblematic princess (not you, Zelda).

Kirby doesn’t need to talk more than he does now, it’s just not important when you’re an awesome pink balloon.

Adam Sorice

I’m sure this argument is going to go two different ways: either Kirby should keep his cutesy voice or Sylvester Stallone should voice him and cause everyone to fall over in hysterics. (Hey, they are the same height, people!) And while both of those options are perfectly fine, they’re not that original or accurate are they?

Kirby is a round, bright pink, unintelligible tottering creature that will consume anything in his path. Do you know what we call those kinds of people where I come from? Scottish. Do you know where I come from? Scotland.

With a rotund, obese population that will eat a sheep’s internal organs as a national dish, possess flaring accents and an alcohol problem so systemic that nearly everyone in the country is bright pink and borderline delusional, a Scottish voice and new identity is the only way to go with Kirby. The only question now is weather we get Sean Connery or groundskeeper Willie to take over the little pink ball of fun’s pipes.

Oh and… visit Scotland.

Aaron Roberts

Kirby has a lot of non-verbal vocalizations, so the person to voice him would also have to be good at screaming and making nonsense sounds.  With that in mind, I present to you the best man for the job, late comedian Sam Kinison. Kinison was the master of shouting loudly and incoherently, as can be seen in any of his stand-ups and his appearance in Back to School.

Of course, the fact that Kinison is sadly, no longer with us, coupled with the fact that his comedy tended to be laced with profanity, may also be road blocks for having him actually voice Nintendo’s pinkest hero.  That being said, the thought of Kirby shouting “Ah–AHHHHHH!!!” when inhaling bad guys would still be powerful.  While we’re at it, I think R. Lee Ermey would be perfect for voicing King Dedede, based on his Boss Hogg-like personality in Kirby: Right Back At Ya!

What do you think? Are you a purist or revisionist? Let us know in the comments.