WaNintendo

Wario and Waluigi may be bad, but what if some of Nintendo’s best-loved characters went along the wrong path and ended up evil too?

By Joseph Nelson. Posted 02/28/2013 14:00 1 Comment     ShareThis

Samus Aran artwork

Samus Aran: Conqueror of Worlds

Samus, as history tells us, was the sole survivor of a Space Pirate attack on a Galactic Federation colony, but was saved and raised by the Chozo. What if they were not the first to find her? What if Ridley saw her potential as a valuable asset to his cause?

The Chozo visit the mining colony of K-2L, requesting the resource of Afloraltite, used mainly for fuel. Rodney Aran refuses the request, due to the Chozo’s reluctance to reveal why they need it. The Chozo leave empty-handed. In truth, the Chozo did not require it for fuel, but in fact needed it to help in their battle against their creations, the Metroids. Meaning ‘ultimate warrior’ in Chozo, these ruthless genetically engineered bioforms were created to hunt down the Parasite X organisms that have plagued the Chozo outpost of SR388. Unfortunately, the Chozo made them too powerful, and they became the apex predator, forcing the Chozo to leave.

Unbeknownst to anyone, Ridley and the Space Pirates followed the Chozo to K-2L, intrigued by their decision to visit a planet so difficult to land on. Once the Chozo had left, they made their move. Ridley concluded that the Chozo had come in search of the Afloraltite, which was abundant in the mines here. He razed the planet, murdering all he came across. He headed to the home of the head of the colony, Rodney Aran. He encountered a three year old Samus, who attempted to befriend him as a result of her meeting with the Chozo hours before, who had taught her the values of friendship. Rather than fire upon her, he had a cunning plan, and took her under his wing, telling her it was the Chozo who had done this to her world, bitter with her father’s decision to refuse them access to the planet’s rescources. Ridley leaves with Samus, and begins indoctrinating her against the Chozo.

Years later, after being raised as a brutal warrior, Samus is unleashed upon enemies of the Space Pirates. She believes the Chozo are a evil race and the Metroid are their prisoners. They are the first to fall, and Samus does not even spare Mother Brain, the Chozo’s supercomputer that betrayed her creators. Wherever the Space Pirates go, Samus is on the front line, laying waste to those she are told have waged war on her saviours. Though she does not possess the Chozo power suit, she is equipped with Space Pirate technology and body modifications, making her a formidable soldier nonetheless, later adding weapon upgrades from each fallen enemy. After acquiring the Metroid for Ridley, she eventually begins using them as her own personal army, decimating all who oppose her.

However, being the sole human amongst billions of Space Pirates, she was often ostracised during her upbringing for being different. Her bullies were sorry, of course, when she or Ridley destroyed them in retaliation, and she learnt to trust few people. Then came the day that she was sent to Tallon IV in response to a distress call. The Space Pirate science vessel Orpheon had encountered trouble when their Metroid experimentation had gone awry. She arrived too late to save anyone, but learned of the horrors the Space Pirates had been perpetrating. Modifications to themselves was all well and good, as it was voluntary, but on creatures that could not give informed consent? It felt wrong, somehow.

She destroyed the ship to end the threat of the genetic abomination onboard, and then travelled to Tallon IV’s surface to investigate some strange readings she had picked up. While exploring, and doing battle with mutated wildlife, she discovered the truth about the Chozo, through the lore they had left behind, telling of their peaceful history– which was shattered when the Space Pirates had destroyed this outpost. Confused, she decided to confront Ridley, after the more pressing problem of Metroid Prime. After destroying this creature (and Tallon IV), Samus arrived at Zebes, and questioned Ridley on why he had lied to her all her life. Dissatisfied with his answers, she slew him, and became the new ruler of the Space Pirates. Anyone who argued with this was personally executed.

In an attempt to deal with the guilt of wiping out the harmless Chozo and countless others, Samus attempted to atone for her sins by aiding other races if they needed it, only going to war if the Space Pirates were being actively threatened. She received a distress signal from the planet Aether, which was giving off Phazon readings. Upon reaching this world, she came across the Galactic Federation Ship Tyr. Samus discovered that Ridley had hidden the existence of this Empire from her, specifically sending her on missions that would not cause her to come across them. Learning that the Tyr had been downed by one of her own ships, she deduced there were still dissidents amongst her followers. She aided the reluctant Federation in fending off the Ing, and discovered that underneath their battlesuits, the Federation troops were, like herself, also human.

Learning that they were face to face with the legendary Hunter, The Federation attempted to seize her for her genocidal crimes. Still tormented by guilt, she turned herself in, leaving the factions of Space Pirates to tear their empire apart. Samus Aran was found guilty of multiple counts of genocide, and sentenced to death.


Well, that got dark quickly! What do you think about how Samus and Mario turned out? Are there any other characters you’d like to see a re-imagined darker side to? Let us know in the comments below!

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One Response to “WaNintendo”

  • 1396 points
    penduin says...

    These are excellent! I love the Space-Pirate-enhanced Samus, and would seriously like to see at least some of that stuff visited in an alternate-universe Metroid game. (Fat chance, but we can dream!) Wicked, insect-like armor and cobbled-together stolen weaponry, taking down Chozo infrastructure and bosses – yes please!

    Kirby seems pretty ripe for this kind of stuff.. I’m not sure how to give him a tragic past or anything, but the games as they are now may just as well represent a psychotic spherical cannibal who is convinced he gains the powers of his enemies by digesting them. He lays waste to forest ecosystems, turns once-thriving castles into haunted, hollow towers, even devours birds and angels alike up in the heavens. Finally, he overthrows good King Dedede, the realm’s protector and last hope. All across the land are dead, eaten, and what does Kirby do? Joyride on a stolen puffy star, in search of dessert.

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