Hi. I think I may be in love with you. When it comes to the pantheon of Nintendo princesses, you have all the others beat. I mean, first off you’re the only princess who is ever acting at all like a princess should. Ok, so you do get kidnapped almost as much as another ruler I could mention, but usually you’re there helping Link fight the forces of darkness up until he screws up and gets you caught.
Which reminds me, whatever do you see in that Link guy? He’s pretty much useless. Oh, sure, he gets credit for saving the day, and there’s that whole Triforce of Courage thing, but nine times out of ten he’s the cause of the problems in the first place. How did Ganon initially get a hold of the Triforce? Oh yeah, that little idiot opened the door in the Temple of Time and let pig-face walk in and steal it. I’m just saying that you can do better than him.
I will say that I don’t think you’re completely perfect. I mean, sometimes you’re way too young for me. I don’t understand how your age fluctuates so much from one story to another, but I’m willing to wait for you to grow up. The other thing that gets to me is your love of cross dressing. You’re a beautiful woman and dressing up in men’s clothes and pretending to be a boy just doesn’t work for you. Plus, I don’t swing that way, even though I still find myself strangely attracted to you. It must be the pointy ears.
I would love to show you a night on the town, and I promise I’d be much more of a gentleman than Link. I’m not going to take you from house to house just so I can smash open pots in the hope of stealing a few rupees. I’m also not going to take you to Hyrule field so you can watch me cut grass for awhile. I’m thinking a pleasant stroll through Hyrule town with a trip to the Bombchu Bowling Alley and the Happy Mask Shop is in order, followed by a trip to the Milk Bar so we can really get to know each other.
If you’re interested, please send back a letter with the postman. He knows where to find me.
Your Biggest Fan