This piece is a fanboy satire. The views and opinions expressed herein do not state or reflect those of Nintendojo or any of its affiliates.
Okay, hozers, let’s get it all out here and now — you can’t handle ANY of my stages.
The great thing about Wrecking Crew for the NES (it’s pronounced “NESS,” just like the first part of my name, in case you lamewads forgot) is that it had a built-in stage builder thingy right out of the box. There was a lot of game… umm, “pakked” into that Game Pak, and I wasn’t ashamed to totally rock the stage builder.
See, the best thing about creating awesomely badical stages in Wrecking Crew is that you have to make it completely and totally impossible to win. I know what you’re thinking, because I’m thinking it, too– “That happens after like stage five of Wrecking Crew anyway, so why bother making my own stages?”
Yeah, shut it, hozer.
The point is that you give the total moron who happens to play your created stage false hope. For instance, once I made a stage with only one door to wreck, but it was literally impossible to get Mario to that door, as I had totally put lots of oil barrels at every turn, and even though there was a ladder, it just went straight up to nowhere.
HA! I start laughing just thinking about it. Awww, SNAP!
Another good one was where I filled it with evil man-eating wrenches and there’s only one door– and you’ll recall that tricking the evil man-eating wrenches (what was up with man-eating wrenches, anyway? Oh, well) into the doors was the only way to neutralize them other than dropping a barrel on ’em– and there weren’t no barrels! Anyways, you had to spend all of your time trying to lure the wrenches into the door and totally didn’t have enough time to actually wreck any of the stuff in the level. Hee hee.
Didn’t the bonus stage always confuse you, though? Why did you have to break all of those doors to find some random coin? And it seemed rigged so that Wario would always find the coin before you did, and why did the coin matter, anyway? Hadn’t they even played Super Mario Bros, where you got like literally thousands of coins? What the frig?
Anyway, nothing was more fun than making impossible stages on Wrecking Crew. It was so fantastic I totally imported the GBA Famicom Mini version because it lets you save your stages. I still make all my friends play the impossible stages and such. I wonder why I seem to have a lot fewer friends than I used to..?