This piece is a fanboy satire. The views and opinions expressed herein do not state or reflect those of Nintendojo or any of its affiliates.
We all know that Nintendo, with its brilliant invention of the “launch window” is once again about to change the world with its new Game Boy… er 3DS. And luckily for you, your pal Nester has the scoop on the most awesome games that have yet to be publicly announced for the system. They’re games featuring me!
I’m not one to brag, but this is not my first outing in the virtual world. You only have to look at that marvel of video-game engineering known as the Virtual Boy to see one of the greatest games ever created featuring me as the main character. Unfortunately a bunch of hozers badmouthed that system and my game didn’t truly get the chance to shine. So when Reggie Fils-Aime came to my basement to pitch putting me in Nintendo’s next round of 3D AWESOMENESS, I was totally on-board.
So without further ado, here’s four games featuring me that you’ll be playing during the launch window of 3DS:
Nester’s Funky Bowling 2
You know that I have totally radical bowling skillz, as shown by my first game. But to make sure everyone can truly appreciate me this time, the graphics have been bumped up so they will totally MELT OFF YOUR FACE. The girls totally dig the melted-face look, or at least that’s what Gram always says.
Like this only way cooler!
Nester’s 3DS Music Extravaganza!
Wii Music may be the best game ever. Also, it may be the worst game ever. I’m still confused, but I know that my take on the music genre is going to far eclipse Wii Music in either or both of those categories. Unfortunately Miyamoto wasn’t directly involved with the development of this game, but to make up for it I had the developers include some awesome instruments to mess around with. Specifically they added the clave, the chainsaw, and the pterodactyl thanks to my polite requests.
Seriously, most awesome instrument EVAR!!!
Nester’s Dog Hunt
You know what I always hated? I hated that dog in Duck Hunt. The way he always made fun of me when I missed shooting a duck. I spent years trying to get revenge, and I’m happy to say that finally there a game that lets me shoot that hozer every time he comes up for air. And thanks to touch-screen aiming, I only miss every third time now! Oh, apparently this has to be rated MA for Massively Awesome!
Gram made this as concept art.
Nester in Funkyland
Move over Mario. Your games may be awesome, but it’s time that a platforming game featuring me finally graced a Nintendo system. I mean, there will still be plenty of Nintendo characters cameoing in the game since it will be a biographical game featuring my adventures once only available through the Nintendo Comics System. But now that you can experience my life in more-awesome-than-life 3D, you really have no reason to ever want to go back to your pitiful life ever again.
My life makes for the best video games!
Nester’s Accounting and Productivity Fun!
You won’t know what hit you when you first pick up my accounting and productivity fun app. Seriously, at first it’s like it’s a game, but by the time you figure out you can deduct the cost of the game from your taxes meaning you have even more money to spend on games about me… it’s a way of life.
Like this… WITH MORE COLORS!