Like much of the world, I know that Nintendojo is the single greatest website ever to have graced the internet. Since 1996 it has represented the absolute pinnacle of not only video gaming journalism, but the written word; and I’m pretty sure Vladimir Nabokov and James Joyce would have backed me up on this if they weren’t dead. Considering all of this, I was greatly confused when I heard that Nintendojo was planning a drastic overhaul. Nintendo has always been the perfect game makers and Nintendojo has always been the perfect game site, so why would either ever consider change?
My personal experience with Nintendojo began on the same day the site launched, which also happened to be the day I learned to read, beat Super Ghouls n Ghosts without dying, and successfully played Virtual Boy for more than two hours without going blind for several days. Since then, I have read almost every single word ever printed on the site — I make a point of skipping every negative adjective being used to describe Nintendo or any of its products. Until this recent redesign the only mistake Nintendojo had made was their refusal to print my ultra-perfect 12/10 review of Wii Music. The dog suit was sheer genius!
Unfortunately, I noticed that trouble was brewing in paradise last year when Nintendojo changed its color scheme. My eyes nearly exploded that day when I logged on and the black background had been replaced by light blue; after a few hours of sobbing and playing Virtual Boy my eyes readjusted and I was glad to see that the content was just as, if not more, perfect than before. Oh, and don’t get me started on that wretched podcast with its frequent talk of stuff that has nothing to do with Nintendo like retro Mega Man sequels, and information pertinent to Nintendo’s primary competitors. What does any of that have to do with how awesome Nintendo is?
Future changes in color schemes aside, I am most afraid that Nintendojo will loose some of its many charms. Could you really live without a news section that is sporadic in how frequently and thoroughly it is updated? How about news stories that adhere to a level of non-biased, non-editorialised journalistic perfectionism that would make even the writers of the AP Style book fall asleep from sheer boredom, can you live with that? Think back to those lengthy reviews, wasn’t Andy Hoover’s mouth dryingly dull and nauseatingly detailed review of The World Ends With You nothing short of brilliant? Sure, you would probably have to be some kind of communications major to fully appreciate it, but don’t you see… that is the point! Nintendojo is simply better than everybody else!
Or at least it was. Now the writers have this strange desire to express more of their own personalities and to get more readers. I say the fewer readers the better! Having too many readers just means you haven’t done a good enough job of alienating those unworthy of of reading your godly prose. Thankfully the folks at Nintendojo have at least acknowledged a part of this recent and uncharacteristically imperfect occurrence and brought yours truly on board to help keep the site grounded in the purely divine brilliance that radiates from Nintendo and all its glorious products!