GENRE
	Extreme-Sports
	DEVELOPER
	Z-Axis
	PUBLISHER
	AKA Acclaim
	NUMBER OF PLAYERS
	1-2
	CONNECTIVITY
	no
	BUY NOW AT

“This is different! Nintendo allowed this in their line up?!” That was the first thing out of my mouth when I turned this game on.

When you think about it, there is no policing body for videogames outside of the ESRB, and even their recommendations are seldom enforced at the point of purchase. Why do you think a game like GTA Vice City (where you behead policemen) is being sold uncontested? In an effort to realize gains from the “GTA theme” of game development, Acclaim has attempted to create a “naughty” GTA-esque version of an extreme sports game: BMX XXX.

Like it or not, this game is a genre buster and a first of its kind for consoles. While the GTA series is based on criminal behavior, BMX XXX takes a benign concept of extreme biking, puts it into a pervert blender and...voila! I’m pretty sure this hasn’t been done before.

It was only a matter of time before someone attempted an “Appetite for Destruction” shock value game, and Acclaim is the first one through the door. The shock value is definitely in BMX XXX, but unlike the aforementioned Guns n’ Roses album, the quality of the effort isn’t there.

All of the Dojo Disciples know that I’ve been screaming for years about getting mature content on a Nintendo console. By “mature,” I mean themes, game play and environments that are challenging/realistic/invigorating for an adult. Nobody wants a game like BMX XXX more than I do, but at the risk of sounding like a wet blanket…prior to mature content one has to have quality. BMX XXX brings mature content to the table by slapping you in the face with it, but it doesn’t mean that the quality of the game itself can be overlooked.

Irregardless of what I (or any other reviewer, for that matter) think of this game, Acclaim will accomplish two things with BMX XXX: One, they will create a curiosity for the Dave Mirra engine that just wasn’t there before. Two, they will get a whack of free publicity from the row it causes and the stores that ban it. Millions of dollars can’t buy the amount of airtime Acclaim is going to get on news broadcasts from the controversy this game creates.

I’ll give you an analogy that might help. Following the release of the controversial Shout at the Devil album cover with the pentagram on it, Motley Crue’s drummer Tommy Lee said “We don’t care what they say about us as long as they spell our names right.”

With that in mind, I don’t know if a conventional mind set for this review really matters. But I’ll apply the same logic to it anyway.

visuals

Z-Axis is an outstanding developer. There’s no question that their potential remains untapped in this game. One only has to look at the unbelievable quality of Aggressive Inline to realize their ultimate potential. BMX XXX doesn’t live up to the high standard that Aggressive Inline set for them.

One very good example of this is that in Aggressive Inline, the environments were huge with no draw-ins and a long range of vision. In BMX XXX, you can be riding from one end of the street to the other and watch things like street barriers, people, and other things pop-up from mid air. This type of pop-up is inexcusable in this generation of video games.

The camera in BMX tends to get lost at some times during the game play, as well. You can be ripping a stunt or turning a corner and just basically lose yourself as the camera pans. This didn’t happen in Aggressive Inline. In addition, AI had a great fly-by system to show you what your challenge was, but this feature isn’t in BMX XXX.

Having said that, you can back your bike up and spin it so that the camera pans a bit. This way, you can see your rider’s panties if you put a skirt on her. Wow. A word to Z Axis: If you are going to make a game with a naked girl in it, try and make her character model somewhat attractive. I have a better-looking ass than the female rider!

Lastly, I’ve heard Howard Stern mouthing off about how great a strip joint SCORES is. My buddy manages WHISKEY A GO GO here in Toronto, and I can tell you that the girls at the Whiskey “blow” the doors off of the ugly scrags at SCORES. I mean, why venture to unlock the movies of the strippers in this game if they’re so sub par? Next time Acclaim is doing a talent search, come and see Mr. Mattei. I got your hook up.

audio

Potty mouth. A smattering of “motherf##r” and “bitch” and so forth fill up the audioscape of BMX XXX. Much like in Transformers: The Movie, though, swearing just loses all of its effect when there’s no reason for it. BMX XXX just swears for the sake of it and this lowers the dramatic impact of a good f*ck. All of the people in the environment have something to say to you. The characters that are part of a challenge—like the bum in the first level—can actually have a comedic twist to them. But, to be honest, the writers at Acclaim could use a few lessons from the Sith Master of Vulgar Humor: Andrew Dice Clay. Because aside from having the shock value of swearing, what these guys say tries to be funny, but it really isn’t.

gameplay

Throughout BMX XXX you have to accomplish certain tasks, including collecting cans for a bum, returning whores to their motels to do tricks, and earning money so you can get into the Scores strip club. It’s basically a reward-based game where the rewards are perverted. You can, of course, grind, bunny hop and do a whole host of in-air tricks. All in all, though, the game play is hampered by the fact that the bike doesn’t control nearly as well as an in-line skater, and there aren’t any indicators to help you find your way to your goals. For instance, GTA has an arrow and map to follow and Aggressive Inline has a “fly by” visual system. BMX XXX just tells you go and do it and you have to learn by trial and error.

Again, Z Axis is a great developer that fails to shine in BMX XXX. Oh and before I forget, I want to give Z Axis props for having introduced a “bail” button in their previous efforts, even before Neversoft and the Tony Hawk crew did.

multiplayer

There are three two-player modes. The coolest one is the strip mode, where you take off your opponents’ clothing one piece at a time as you “out-trick” them. There’s also a paintball mode, where the other player is trying to snipe you, and two-minute drill mode (Skillz). I definitely got a laugh out of the Strip mode.

overall

BMX XXX is different. This is for sure. However, when you’re shelling out dollars for games, you want them to play well, not just giggle at a badly-rendered whore on a bike with a thong up her ass. I give props to Acclaim for having the balls to try this and do it with a “we don’t care” attitude. That takes guts and they managed to get this to go on all consoles (I’m sure Miyamoto shit himself when he saw this game). However, Acclaim should’ve made the quality (a.k.a. Aggressive Inline) their first priority and Z Axis could’ve integrated the mature themes to make a solid title. I like the idea, it’s just the execution needs work.

As for those of you late teens that are into wrist exercises late at night: You want to “motivate” your workout routine with some naked chicks in your video games? I suggest you do four things: 1) Try saying “hi” or conversely “hello” to a living, breathing girl. That’s usually how a meaningful Casual Sex Between Friends Relationship begins. You can always use my favorite icebreaker “my I love your breasts. Want to get dinner or just skip to breaking my bed?” 2) Stop watching the scrambled porn channels on your TV, looking for any coherent sign of tits. 3) Get a life. 4) If all else fails, instead of unlocking these low-end dogs from SCORES, you can see the real thing probably just around the corner from your house at the local peeler bar. Make sure to say hi to your dad when you get there. Oh, and tell your mom to stop swinging upside down from the pole all the time during her show, it’s bad for her arthritis.

6.9/10