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I’m distrustful of any game that sells itself based on having scantily-clad women in it. Don’t get me wrong –- I like scantily-clad women, as our newsagent will be more than happy to tell you –- but having T&A is used all-too-often to disguise a fundamentally bad game. Tomb Raider was sold for years on the pathetic adolescent thrill of having a protagonist with breasts; Dead or Alive is a good game, but its finer fighting mechanics are totally overshadowed by the jiggliness of its protagonists. So, I picked up a copy of Beach Spikers with a rightly skeptical view. However, I was pleasantly surprised. Certainly, Beach Spikers features women in thong bikinis –- fairly unavoidable in a beach volleyball game, after all, though being played much more for kicks by Tecmo’s rival DoA Beach Volleyball. And it does make the most of that fact, with a disturbing amount of bikini-adjusting animations and some intentionally erotic hugging between players. However, underneath, we’re pleased to see, is an innovative, likeable and, most importantly, original sports game, that’s one of the freshest I’ve played yet on the GameCube. visuals One thing I will bring up is the amount of hugging between points that the ladies indulge in; I was disturbed, not aroused, by the amount of pseudo-lesbian goings-on, especially the one where the girls close their eyes and hug before falling to their knees together. It’s not that we’re not turned on by it, but is there such a need to appeal to the sad, pathetic, turned-on-by-Lara crowd, especially when there’s a damn fine game underneath? There are, thankfully, no moveable breasts as the girls leap around; I’ve heard some people complain about this, under the pretence that it makes the game “less realistic.” Funny how no one complains about the lack of jock strap adjusting or ass-scratching in a football game –- after all, it would also be more realistic. Away from the ladies for once, the visuals still impress –- the sand has had as much care lavished upon it as the bikinis: starting smooth and level and getting tossed up as the games go on. There are a lot of arenas in Beach Spikers, and they are all very impressive -- though thanks to Sega’s new policy of whoring itself to every corporation going (see the Dole-sponsored bananas in Monkey Ball?), each is plastered with logos from Nissan, Holiday Inn, Coca Cola, and some strange company known as “Nintendo.” Odd. audio gameplay There are two single player modes available in Beach Spikers: Arcade mode & World Tour. In Arcade Mode, you control both players on the team and play a shortened version of the game, where matches are won by obtaining 9 points. It’s fun for a while, but thankfully there’s the far deeper World Tour mode to keep you interested. After creating a shiny woman to play as, and an equally waxy partner, you battle through a series of tournaments, gaining points to improve your partner’s skills as you play. To start with, your partner has the coordination of a disabled mollusk -- unable to hit even the lightest ball. However, manage to win a couple of matches and she improves, and she’ll continue to improve until by the end of the tournament she’s out-playing you. By the final matches in the World Tour your team will be such a well-oiled outfit (ahem) that the matches start to become a matter of life and death. However, because of its structure, the World Tour doesn’t have the replayability of similar modes in other titles, such as ISS’s International Cup. After making your team into the greatest in the world, the last thing you want to do is go back and start again with a teammate who would make Stephen Hawking look like a professional volleyball player. The World Tour only gets really exciting about six tournaments in, and you’ll have to have the patience of a saint to put with your inept teammate time and time again. multiplayer overall Despite this, the game is a must-rent for any solo player who fancies something new, and a definite purchase for those looking for a multiplayer game to tempt them away from TimeSplitters 2 for a while.
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