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Harvest Moon 64 Package Art

Harvest Moon 64

I'm a niche gamer. I enjoy sports sims, action titles and anything with large female breasts in it. You see, I tend to enjoy games with a strong challenge and exciting pace. So when I reluctantly purchased Harvest Moon 64 based on the reviews the game received, I didn't know what to expect. I mean, a farming simulator? That sounds about as much fun as getting a good solid cleaning from the dentist. But sure enough, after you plant a few crops your sorry ass will become pathetically addicted to something. Some of you may enjoy the social aspects of the game as you try to get into the pants of several village girls. Me, I just wanted to accumulate as much damn money as possible. Even if that meant working my little farmer into a sack of used cow dung.

Admittedly, the graphics are about as appealing as a nude photo of Hillary Clinton (wait a minute, she's kind of hot in a "whip cracking" way), and the sound does really suck a cow tit but the gameplay is as solid as a stone in your field. It's a weird game and if you give it a chance it may just trap you into a bizarre farming addiction.


Oy. The super Nintendo console could probably challenge this games' presentation. I guess a top down RPG like this doesn't have to be the next Zelda in terms of graphics but it would have been nice if the screen didn't generate in blocks right before your eyes. You'll basically get a top down perspective that you can rotate around the character to make sure that you don't miss any of the action. Each of the characters are easily distinguishable and aside from the bland palette, the graphics are functional.


The audio is equally sixteen bitish. There's some rather bland midi tracks. It would have been interesting to farm to Twisted Sisters' "Come out and Play". Or maybe you could take care of the cows to some old Johnny Cash tunes. Wishful thinking I guess. The one incredibly annoying thing about Harvest Moon 64 is that beep noise during dialogue. There's so much to read in this game and hearing that "beep,beep,beep,beep" noise all the time is a real pain in the horses' ass.


Here's the cream filling. Like all good gameplay, this game features a fairly dramatic learning curve. The opening few phases of the game are difficult to get a grasp on, you'll have to be patient. But when you get to harvest your first turnips and buy some chickens, look out because this game gets exciting. You'll start to catch momentum as your farm becomes more profitable and you begin to socialize.

There are some annoying glitches in the gameplay. For instance, sometimes your animals get stuck in your crops. What the hell is that? My dog was stuck in my corn for two days, and I'm not referring to my genitals either! One crucial thing though was the tutorial mode. It really could have served a much more funtional purpose if it was more insightful. The tutorial just wasn't deep enough to really get me started in the game. Even the instruction manual wasn't that hot. As an example, I couldn't figure out how to bring my horse out of the rain and neither the tutorial or the manual helped.

Overall though, the gameplay is outstanding. I was never a tamagotchi fan or even an RPG fan but this game actually proves to me why this genre is so involving. You really do dive into the life and mindset of the character.


Imagine a head to head farming showdown? Or maybe a "group dating" session behind the old barn? Now that's multiplayer madness! Unfortunately, the game developers aren't as creative or clinically perverted as I am!


Hey, bottom line, the N64's line up is so weak right now you really don't have a choice. This game is one of the few quality titles to come out in the last month. It's fresh, it's different and it's captivating. You'll enjoy it in a strange way. Kind of like how watching the TV show "Cops" is so strangely addictive. I wouldn't suggest a rent here because this game really takes time to get into. But if you really aren't sure, you can rent it for a while and check it out. Harvest Moon 64 is a great title because it's so fresh and captivating. These two elements are so strong that you actually can overlook the sorry graphics and weak sound. Check this game out and get planting baby!!
final score 8.0/10

Staff Avatar Eric Mattei
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"Lost like tears in rain"

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