GENRE
	Fighting
	DEVELOPER
	Full Fat
	PUBLISHER
	Destination Software, Inc.
	NUMBER OF PLAYERS
	1
	CONNECTIVITY
	Yes
	BUY NOW AT

It is difficult to explain the experience of playing Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots. It is as if someone handed you a bourbon of your favorite childhood memories and then proceeded to collect your head with a plastic spork. Certainly RSR belongs alongside Hungry Hungry Hippos as the craziest handle hitting fun you’ve ever had, but this -- this is something else entirely.

visuals

When it comes to graphics, RSR only has one thing to render: robots. Even in that, it fails. The same blurry model is used for all ten robots with only a paint job of the ten basic Crayola colors to tell them apart.

These robots stagger about the ring like puppets, jerked about by a mere handful of 2D animations. Who knows, maybe they were going for a nostalgic aesthetic using NES graphics and all, but somebody at quality control certainly got blackmailed. Occasionally, you’ll be graced with a unique super that gives the barest hint of character.

When you’re in the ring, an MS Paint bitmap might be pasted on the background to clue you in that yes, you are somewhere different; if you would just close your eyes and use your imagination, why these robots could be in the steamy Tropics of Capricorn. But if the ugly box art is any indication, you will stay far, far away.

audio

It’s hard to judge RSR’s sound when there is so little of it. The effects boil down to smacking robot fists and menu selections; the music is scarce, but inoffensive, upbeat rock when it’s there.

gameplay

It must be said that RSR exudes a certain charm when you first lay eyes on it. Instinct takes over, and you’re just a tot again, knocking the block off of your best friend. Five minutes later, the sinking feeling sets in; and by the ten minute mark, you’ve realized you’ve seen all the game has to offer.

RSR offers a standard Vs. Mode and a Title Mode, both of which let you select an unlocked robot and promptly pummel opponents with your mechanized fists. Title Mode pits you in a series of matches against subsequent robots bearing names such notable names as Purple Pyro or Pink Pummeller. Win all the matches to unlock the same robot yet again, this time with a different name and color.

The fighting is straightforward: punch, jump or block. You can jump and attack or duck and attack. You will have to do neither. In fact, you won’t even have to block. Merely closing your eyes and repeatedly attacking is all that’s necessary.

You can charge your punches by holding in attack, but again, it’s pointless. With each successful attack, a super meter builds up. Once full, pressing jump and attack at the same time initiates your super, which is about as effective as your punches. A unresponsive lag is noticeable between when you press a button and when your robot decides to do something. Good programming that.

After your intelligent A.I. opponent has walked into every single one of your punches, the game goes into K.O. mode. This entails alternating between the L and R shoulder buttons as fast as you can. It’s fun for about two matches. It’s also strangely difficult.

Stats are assigned to each robot to track their differences, but their effect is negligible, just like each robot’s differences. The infuriating password and save hybrid of other DSI games returns to track your progress, despite RSR’s completion time of one sitting. But you would have to be a robot yourself to ever process such boredom.

multiplayer

Why do they not have any? It’s not like the original needed another player. But then again, it's probably more worthwhile to go by the actual Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots, then to pay for two copies and a link cable.

overall

Besides nostalgia, the only thing going for RSR is the strange taunts your opponents give before each Title match. You can’t help but lol at quips like, “I know every trick in the book -- and it’s a big book!” But you have better things to waste your money on than this, like soap or something.

1/10